love u...

i swear the last time we chat...

the last word he type was 'love you'...

shocking rite???

i felt that way too...

i was too shocked that i forgot to save the conversation...

i don't even reply and let him offline without reading my 'love u too' statement...

seriously i don't know if he really felt that way or because of the thing that i had done for him that make him act that way...

i'm confused, unsure and still thinking bout it till rite now...

if he really mean it...

why did he walk away???

is it because i didn't say it out loud to him???

or is it because i act like i don't care???

i wish he read all this and tell me the truth...

because 'love u' means so much to me...

but till now, i keep telling myself that he didn't mean it...

it's just a dream that i created...

so please dear heart, move on and forget him...

he's gone that's it.move on.

if only i could do it as easy as i type it...

if only moving on from memories is as easy as moving from one place to another...

if i could just walk away...i would...

but i guess i'm tired of running and there's nothing to be running from cause he's gone...

he told me before that he's leaving...

but the next day after i called him...

he said that he wasn't going anywhere....

few months later he did it again...

said that he's leaving and i wrote a long message to him...

told him how sorry i was and how much i'm pleased to know him...

he just replied =) and decided not to go...

but now he's gone for real...

pfffttt...just like that...as if David Copperfield had put a spell on him and he just disappeared...

what ever it is...

i hope he's having a great life...

a better life...

maybe this is the best for him, for me and for us...

i know that i will move on sooner or later...

maybe after 3 years or 5 years...

i will move out from this feeling but i will never ever move out from our memories..

that's for sure...

if i could say...

Until the day that he's 'gone'...

I still have words that keep playing in my mind...

but i could never let out...

words that my heart been screaming but my mouth keeps shut...

If only i have the courage...

I would love to say it out loud...

to touch your soul and speak right to your heart...

to atleast whisper to your ears...

I would tell you how much i miss u...

how much i would love to be with u...

how much i would love to look at your face since the moment i wake up till before i sleep...

how much i would love to have a fight and flirt with u...

how much i would do anything and everything for u...

If i could say it to u...

I never know that u could mean so much to me...

and thinking bout u every single moment is killing me....

I would do anything to get u back...

I'm back!!! hahaha...

I had stop blogging for 3 yrs...

and today, at this moment, i decided to start blogging again...

maybe because this is the best place for me to let out every single feelings from my heart...

or maybe because my friends are doing the same thing...

i dunnoe...but i'm back babeh... and this time i hope it will last longer...hahaha...

3 yrs is such a long time huh...so let see what my life had turn me into for this past 3 yrs...

am i married??? nah... engaged??? nope... or in a relationship??? NO!!!

i am still the old me...single BUT i'm not sure whether my heart is willing to be available or not...

of coz i've met a few guys along the journey...

those sweet talker, cheater, liar, hypocrite, jerk and etc type of guy...

i could 'smell' them from far as if i have a sensor machine that will make a loud siren when i'm near them...

too much heartbreak make me what i am today...

how should i say it??? a part of me would love to be love by someone (a guy of coz)...but a part of me is scared of getting hurt again...

or maybe i just don't have a heart anymore...but if i don't have a heart how am i suppose to get hurt??? DUH!!! (silly me)...

maybe i'm having a commitment phobia...

i almost...not almost actually i had fall and i'm still 'falling' for a guy...

but i know it just wouldn't work out between us so i decided to 'run away' from him...

better getting hurt now while it is still fresh then later rite???

but as much as i wanted to forget him...he's everywhere (not physically) around me...

seriously i could see his face everytime i close my eyes...it's bothering me...

guess i need to keep on running faster and faster and faster until i could get him out of my mind and my heart...

and i will keep on running away from guy and relationship until the day that someone will be chasing me and stop me from running...

because he will tell me "u don't have to run anymore because i'm here to walk together with u..hand in hand to our future together..." and he really mean what he says...

i know the moment will come...he will come to me one day and stop me from running away...