if i could say...

Until the day that he's 'gone'...

I still have words that keep playing in my mind...

but i could never let out...

words that my heart been screaming but my mouth keeps shut...

If only i have the courage...

I would love to say it out loud...

to touch your soul and speak right to your heart...

to atleast whisper to your ears...

I would tell you how much i miss u...

how much i would love to be with u...

how much i would love to look at your face since the moment i wake up till before i sleep...

how much i would love to have a fight and flirt with u...

how much i would do anything and everything for u...

If i could say it to u...

I never know that u could mean so much to me...

and thinking bout u every single moment is killing me....

I would do anything to get u back...

I'm back!!! hahaha...

I had stop blogging for 3 yrs...

and today, at this moment, i decided to start blogging again...

maybe because this is the best place for me to let out every single feelings from my heart...

or maybe because my friends are doing the same thing...

i dunnoe...but i'm back babeh... and this time i hope it will last longer...hahaha...

3 yrs is such a long time huh...so let see what my life had turn me into for this past 3 yrs...

am i married??? nah... engaged??? nope... or in a relationship??? NO!!!

i am still the old me...single BUT i'm not sure whether my heart is willing to be available or not...

of coz i've met a few guys along the journey...

those sweet talker, cheater, liar, hypocrite, jerk and etc type of guy...

i could 'smell' them from far as if i have a sensor machine that will make a loud siren when i'm near them...

too much heartbreak make me what i am today...

how should i say it??? a part of me would love to be love by someone (a guy of coz)...but a part of me is scared of getting hurt again...

or maybe i just don't have a heart anymore...but if i don't have a heart how am i suppose to get hurt??? DUH!!! (silly me)...

maybe i'm having a commitment phobia...

i almost...not almost actually i had fall and i'm still 'falling' for a guy...

but i know it just wouldn't work out between us so i decided to 'run away' from him...

better getting hurt now while it is still fresh then later rite???

but as much as i wanted to forget him...he's everywhere (not physically) around me...

seriously i could see his face everytime i close my eyes...it's bothering me...

guess i need to keep on running faster and faster and faster until i could get him out of my mind and my heart...

and i will keep on running away from guy and relationship until the day that someone will be chasing me and stop me from running...

because he will tell me "u don't have to run anymore because i'm here to walk together with u..hand in hand to our future together..." and he really mean what he says...

i know the moment will come...he will come to me one day and stop me from running away...

10 things i hate about guyz...

1. Whenever he plan something & ruin it with a lame excuses….coz it really ruin my hopes & trust.

2. Whenever he compare me to other gurl especially his ex-gf (eventhough he will say that I’m better)….coz I juz wanna be me & I’m totally different from anybody else.

3. Whenever he wanna make a surprise but inform me earlier about it…coz it makes me keep on asking myself what actually the surprise will be.

4. Whenever he try to avoid me in front of his friends or don’t wanna introduce me to his friends……are there some secrets that u r hiding dear?

5. Whenever he forces me to do something that I don’t wanna do….I need some space & I know what’s good for my life k.

6. Whenever he dedicated a song to me….coz it really hurts me to listen to that song everytime he breaks my heart & the worst thing is to listen to it after we break up.

7. Whenever he gives a ‘sweet poem’ that was actually taken from a book, internet or worst from lyrics of a song that i know…..coz the words juz doesn’t come from his heart. (Don’t ever lie bout the lyrics coz I remember every single lyrics from most of the songs).

8. Whenever he act normal after he had done something stupid or break my heart….could u at least apologize ego king?

9. Whenever he blame me everytime we fight eventhough it’s his mistake…u r not an angel & I’m not that devil k.

10. Whenever he had an affair with another gurl & keep on denying it…..worst, when he even suspect me to be a player juz like him….well, when people make mistake…..they will think that others do it too.