Best Thing I Never Had...

I'm not gonna say anything...

let this song tell its own story...

What goes around comes back around (hey my baby)
What goes around comes back around (hey my baby)
What goes around comes back around (hey my baby)
What goes around comes back around (hey my baby)

There was a time
I thought, that you did everything right
No lies, no wrong
Boy I, must've been outta my mind
So when I think of the time that I almost loved you
You showed your ass and I saw the real you

Thank God you blew it
Thank God I dodged the bullet
I'm so over you
So baby good lookin' out

[Chorus]

I wanted you bad
I'm so through with it
Cuz honestly you turned out to be the best thing I never had
You turned out to be the best thing I never had
And I'm gon' always be the best thing you never had
I bet it sucks to be you right now

So sad, you're hurt
Boo hoo, oh, did you expect me to care?
You don't deserve my tears
I guess that's why they ain't there
When I think that there was a time that I almost loved you
You showed your ass and I saw the real you

Thank God you blew it
Thank God I dodged the bullet
I'm so over you
Baby good lookin' out

[Chorus]

I wanted you bad
I'm so through with it
Cuz honestly you turned out to be the best thing I never had
I said, you turned out to be the best thing I never had
And I'll never be the best thing you never had
Oh baby I bet sucks to be you right now

I know you want me back
It's time to face the facts
That I'm the one that's got away
Lord knows that it would take another place, another time, another world, another life
Thank God I found the good in goodbye

[Chorus]

I used to want you so bad
I'm so through it that
Cuz honestly you turned out to be the best thing I never had
You turned out to be the best thing I never had
And I will always be the, best thing you never had.
Best thing you never had!

I used to want you so bad
I'm so through it that
Cause honestly you turned out to be the best thing I never had
Oh you turned out to be the best thing I never had
Oh I will never be the best thing you never had
Oh baby, I bet it sucks to be you right now

Goes around, comes back around
Goes around, comes back around
Bet it sucks to be you right now
Goes around, comes back around
Bet it sucks to be you right now
Goes around, comes back around
Bet it sucks to be you right now

Regret??? NEVER!!!

He's back!!!

but for sure this time it's a bad thing...

it is so damn bad that i wish he would just disappear forever...

he unfriend me from a social network and did not communicate with me in another social network...

so i got the message...

a clear message that he's not interested to continue what he had left...

since that moment my heart know its way to go...

and it choose to move on...to not even care and look back anymore (i'm damn proud of my heart)...

today, he make my heart grow stronger & wiser...

because i didn't exactly follow what he said, he blocked me from the other social network...

and do i regret replying my bff tweet & ignoring a lil bit of his command???

HELL NO!!!

because whether he's in my list or not, we didn't communicate at all...

so it doesn't really matter if he's there or not because it will always feel the same...

he said that he still wanna be my friend...

but friend do communicate & act like we acted before dear...

and today he said our relationship end...

i think he already ended our relationship since the moment he disappear...

what ever it is...

if my heart really wanna feel regret, there's only 2 things that i regret...

i do regret for having that lil' feeling for him before...

i regret for wasting my tears for him before...

now it is proven that what my friend told me was true...

he's not worth waiting & hoping for...

he just wasn't man enough for me...

enuff said...

love u...

i swear the last time we chat...

the last word he type was 'love you'...

shocking rite???

i felt that way too...

i was too shocked that i forgot to save the conversation...

i don't even reply and let him offline without reading my 'love u too' statement...

seriously i don't know if he really felt that way or because of the thing that i had done for him that make him act that way...

i'm confused, unsure and still thinking bout it till rite now...

if he really mean it...

why did he walk away???

is it because i didn't say it out loud to him???

or is it because i act like i don't care???

i wish he read all this and tell me the truth...

because 'love u' means so much to me...

but till now, i keep telling myself that he didn't mean it...

it's just a dream that i created...

so please dear heart, move on and forget him...

he's gone that's it.move on.

if only i could do it as easy as i type it...

if only moving on from memories is as easy as moving from one place to another...

if i could just walk away...i would...

but i guess i'm tired of running and there's nothing to be running from cause he's gone...

he told me before that he's leaving...

but the next day after i called him...

he said that he wasn't going anywhere....

few months later he did it again...

said that he's leaving and i wrote a long message to him...

told him how sorry i was and how much i'm pleased to know him...

he just replied =) and decided not to go...

but now he's gone for real...

pfffttt...just like that...as if David Copperfield had put a spell on him and he just disappeared...

what ever it is...

i hope he's having a great life...

a better life...

maybe this is the best for him, for me and for us...

i know that i will move on sooner or later...

maybe after 3 years or 5 years...

i will move out from this feeling but i will never ever move out from our memories..

that's for sure...

if i could say...

Until the day that he's 'gone'...

I still have words that keep playing in my mind...

but i could never let out...

words that my heart been screaming but my mouth keeps shut...

If only i have the courage...

I would love to say it out loud...

to touch your soul and speak right to your heart...

to atleast whisper to your ears...

I would tell you how much i miss u...

how much i would love to be with u...

how much i would love to look at your face since the moment i wake up till before i sleep...

how much i would love to have a fight and flirt with u...

how much i would do anything and everything for u...

If i could say it to u...

I never know that u could mean so much to me...

and thinking bout u every single moment is killing me....

I would do anything to get u back...

I'm back!!! hahaha...

I had stop blogging for 3 yrs...

and today, at this moment, i decided to start blogging again...

maybe because this is the best place for me to let out every single feelings from my heart...

or maybe because my friends are doing the same thing...

i dunnoe...but i'm back babeh... and this time i hope it will last longer...hahaha...

3 yrs is such a long time huh...so let see what my life had turn me into for this past 3 yrs...

am i married??? nah... engaged??? nope... or in a relationship??? NO!!!

i am still the old me...single BUT i'm not sure whether my heart is willing to be available or not...

of coz i've met a few guys along the journey...

those sweet talker, cheater, liar, hypocrite, jerk and etc type of guy...

i could 'smell' them from far as if i have a sensor machine that will make a loud siren when i'm near them...

too much heartbreak make me what i am today...

how should i say it??? a part of me would love to be love by someone (a guy of coz)...but a part of me is scared of getting hurt again...

or maybe i just don't have a heart anymore...but if i don't have a heart how am i suppose to get hurt??? DUH!!! (silly me)...

maybe i'm having a commitment phobia...

i almost...not almost actually i had fall and i'm still 'falling' for a guy...

but i know it just wouldn't work out between us so i decided to 'run away' from him...

better getting hurt now while it is still fresh then later rite???

but as much as i wanted to forget him...he's everywhere (not physically) around me...

seriously i could see his face everytime i close my eyes...it's bothering me...

guess i need to keep on running faster and faster and faster until i could get him out of my mind and my heart...

and i will keep on running away from guy and relationship until the day that someone will be chasing me and stop me from running...

because he will tell me "u don't have to run anymore because i'm here to walk together with u..hand in hand to our future together..." and he really mean what he says...

i know the moment will come...he will come to me one day and stop me from running away...

10 things i hate about guyz...

1. Whenever he plan something & ruin it with a lame excuses….coz it really ruin my hopes & trust.

2. Whenever he compare me to other gurl especially his ex-gf (eventhough he will say that I’m better)….coz I juz wanna be me & I’m totally different from anybody else.

3. Whenever he wanna make a surprise but inform me earlier about it…coz it makes me keep on asking myself what actually the surprise will be.

4. Whenever he try to avoid me in front of his friends or don’t wanna introduce me to his friends……are there some secrets that u r hiding dear?

5. Whenever he forces me to do something that I don’t wanna do….I need some space & I know what’s good for my life k.

6. Whenever he dedicated a song to me….coz it really hurts me to listen to that song everytime he breaks my heart & the worst thing is to listen to it after we break up.

7. Whenever he gives a ‘sweet poem’ that was actually taken from a book, internet or worst from lyrics of a song that i know…..coz the words juz doesn’t come from his heart. (Don’t ever lie bout the lyrics coz I remember every single lyrics from most of the songs).

8. Whenever he act normal after he had done something stupid or break my heart….could u at least apologize ego king?

9. Whenever he blame me everytime we fight eventhough it’s his mistake…u r not an angel & I’m not that devil k.

10. Whenever he had an affair with another gurl & keep on denying it…..worst, when he even suspect me to be a player juz like him….well, when people make mistake…..they will think that others do it too.

i don't need a man!!!

i've forgotten about this song until Sharine sang it to me juz now...
it's funny how a song that i used to like juz disappeared from my mind...
wen i read d lyrics again...
then i realized dat dis song should b my theme song again...
it gives me d energy 2 feel powerful & independent...
well i really don't need a man anyway...
i have my frens, my family & i'll b getting my car soon...
so who cares about a man who will always bring heartaches & headaches rite???

anyway, his ex went to his house last nite juz to make sure that he's ok & to make sure if i had taken a really good care of him...
ok fine i didn't...
i wasn't there wen he used blade 2 make deep marks on his hand...
& i'm not with him last nite 2 comfort him...
but i'm not working in the same shop as him anymore...
that's y i didn't know dat he did dat...
and do u actually expect me to walk around 2am juz to go to his house 2 b near him???

well, maybe i should...
maybe i could juz b d angel again & safe him...
be next to him all the time to protect him...
but wen i choose not to be his angel becoz i'm sick of thinking about the effect that i'll get later...
there she is...
coming back to do sum check on him & blame me for not taking a good care of him...
after what they had done to me wen i used to take a really good care of him...
y should i take care of him so much anymore???
it's obviously not my fault rite???
i could treat him so damn good until he feels like he's d king of the world...
but after what they had done to me...
do u think it's worth it???
so izit really my fault???

Told ya i'm a hopeless romantic...

What Type Are You?

You are a Hopeless romantic

Do you swoon when a guy recites poetry to you? Go ga-ga over a bouquet of hand-picked wildflowers? Then there's no doubt about it — you're a textbook Hopeless Romantic. Chances are you love soft music, candlelight, and long walks on the beach at sunset. Crying at sappy movies (your favorite kind) is a given — a box of tissues is a must — and you've have had your wedding planned since grade school. You're looking for a deep relationship — a soulmate. Traditional and sympathetic, guys love that they can open up to you and talk to you about their feelings, their past, and their hopes for the future. How can a suitor win your heart? By romancing you. Sending you flowers, surprising you with a picnic lunch, or going for a horse-drawn carriage ride. Before you know it, you'll be creating a life-long love story.

I have an exotic aura???

What's Your Beauty Aura?

My Result: Exotic

You take pleasure in experimenting with your look. You're always trying out new styles, fragrances, and beauty treatments. Sometimes you're trying to enhance what you've got. At other times your appearance is something you're creative with. Experimenting with a totally new haircut or the latest foaming face scrub is your way of exploring the world around you through different skins.


You are well aware that sheer makeup looks better on soft, well-cared for skin, so you try to keep your pores free from blemishes and oil. You don't have a signature scent because you're too busy trying them all to pick a favorite. At times you may risk hiding your true self behind all this glamorous self-indulgence, but hopefully you're just expressing your flamboyant, creative personality through lipstick, scents, and other fancy stuff.

What are you?
http://web.tickle.com/jumpto?test=beautyauraogt&c=50652

another free astrology reading

hehehe...
dis time it's about karma & relationship...
surprisingly it's true...
so have fun reading it...

In prior lives, you experienced intense, perhaps violent upheavals in your love relationships. You may have lost a lover to war or some other tragic end; you may have been in a marriage marked by violence and were unable to trust your partner. The sense that nothing is truly stable -- that circumstances can change in a heartbeat, in a devastating way -- has lasted with you through to your current life.

You may find it quite difficult to trust your lover at a very deep level; you yearn for attachment but the very feeling of becoming dependent on another person makes you quite uncomfortable. You might put your lover through "tests," trying to discern whether their love for you is real or ephemeral. This kind of untrusting behavior can do lasting damage to a perfectly good relationship.

You are likely to be a friendly, relaxed person on the outside, but inside you have deep psychic wounds that cause you anxiety within your relationships. (This can extend beyond your love relationships, as well; you might notice that there have been people in your life who seemed to dislike you for no logical or apparent reason. These people are likely to be people from a prior life whom you somehow hurt, abused or alienated, with whom you reincarnated in your current life.)

my astrology...

do u believe in astrology???
well i dun really do...
but anyway...
dis is wat my astrology says...

ratna rahayu's astrological profile

Sun in Sagittarius

When ratna rahayu was born, the Sun was in the Sign Sagittarius, the Gypsy. ratna rahayu's basic sanity and vitality depend on a constant diet of new, mind-stretching experiences. They may be cross-cultural; they may be educational in the broadest sense of the word; they may just be fresh forays into the unknown in any of its myriad manifestations: hang-gliding for the first time, attending a lecture on particle physics. All together, these mind-stretching ventures feed the Philosopher-Spirit in the heart of ratna rahayu's character -- her compelling drive to know and understand, to find the inner meaning of things. To that end, her nature is curious, robust, and full of risk-tolerant faith in life. Restraints on her exuberance or constraints on her freedom are anathema to her. For committed love really to work for ratna rahayu in the long run, it must enhance her freedom rather than detract from it. In intimacy, ratna rahayu's need for space may present some problems, but they're only truly insurmountable ones if 's become involved with someone who is simply too clingy for a person of her nature. Similarly, her idealism may set unreachable standards -- but, if she is wise, then those standards serve her the same way the North Star serves the sailor: they guide, beckon, and inspire her in the ever-brighter direction of the Unreachable...not that she ever expects actually to arrive there. And that can only enhance the magic of the bond.

love...

was browsing through my friend's profile in friendster and saw this in her shoutout...

"LOVE is not about finding the right person, but creating a right relationship. Its not about how much love you have in the beginning but how much love you build till the end..."

it is really sweet rite???
wen I read it...
i think that it's true...
all this while i've been searching for the right person...
with hope that the right person will make it easier for me to build a right relationship...
I used to have a long list of some criteria that i'm looking in this so called 'mr. right'...
but after all this years...
i've narrowed down the criteria that I want...
but the 'mr. right' still didn't come...
so now maybe I should juz forget about finding the right person...
I should juz stay with someone that I think can build a right relationship with me...
but how can the relationship b right when the person is wrong???

nyway...
called him juz now & he was on his way home from pekeliling, KL...
he was with her...
she followed him back 2 Perak on his grandma's funeral...
no wonder he juz disappear dis past few days...
and he only sms me dis morning around 1.45am...
then after I put down d phone...
I received an sms from her...
dat woman juz couldn't leave me alone...
she said dat after dis I could take him...
I replied “it's ok...u can keep him to urself...i'm not interested in sharing...”
then she said that I dun have to share him with her coz they're breaking up...
d problem is dat I dun really trust that coz they always break up for a while then they'll get back together...
but she said that this time it's for real & I can have him...
the thing dat I dun understand is dat after dat she kept asking me to go out with him & asked me whether i'm working or not???
what's her problem???
he didn't say anything to me about d break up...
so I dun wanna ask about it...
I juz wanna leave him alone...
give him time to rest & time for himself...
but y must she bother whether i'm goin out with him or not???
even if after dis we r not together...
y must she care???

Horoscope

Do u believe in horoscope???
well i dun really believe in it...
but it could b true sometimes...
and today i think what my horoscope tell me is true...
coz that's what i'm feeling rite now...
after i read the horoscope...
it makes me thinking bout sumthing...
so this is what my horoscope for today is all about...

Friendster Horoscope for April 4, 2008

Sagittarius (Nov 22 - Dec 21)[?]

The Bottom Line

Romance is a two-way street. If you are not feeling it, then don't pretend you are.

In Detail

If you feel uncomfortable about the amount of attention that someone is giving you right now, the best reaction to them is no reaction. Romance is a two-way street, and if you are not feeling it, then you're just not feeling it. But there is no need to hurt their feelings or embarrass them. Instead, don't even let them know that they have bothered you. Just carry on with normal relations and sooner or later they will get the picture, give up, and move on to someone who is right for them.

another friends' wedding list....

this is so disturbing man...
everybody around me seems to be planning or already busy preparing for their wedding...
on 31st of May this year...
which is like next month...
one of my UiTM friend is getting married...
so i might b going to the wedding without partner...
but who cares...
i have my friends to go there together with me (if they dun go there with their partner)...

then that day i met my friend Fara...
she accompany me to do police report regarding the accident...
after not seeing her for such a long time...
suddenly she told me that she's getting marry in maybe June or August this year...
i really scream at her when i heard the word THIS YEAR!!!
keep asking her "y r u doing this to me??? can't u plan ur wedding until i have a real boyfriend???"
and until today i can't accept the fact that she's getting marry soon...
really SOON!!!
but then we had made a deal before and rite now according to the deal...
i will have to sponsor for her house furniture when she buy a house & later on my wedding...
she have to sponsor for my honeymoon...
so get ready to search for a traveling agency that have good package to Paris k Fara...
hahaha...

then when i check on my friendster...
some friends from old school already have baby, some have husband and some already engaged...
the amount of those that are attach is like 99%...
so i'm stuck in the 1% category...

haiz...
never thought that i'll b like this...
people always tell me "chill out! u r only 24...dun need to rush..."
i'm not rushing to get marry...
i juz want someone rite now that is willing to start planning his future with me...
i know myself...
i need atleast 3yrs to make sure that he's the one that i could live my life with FOREVER...
i wanna get marry on 11/11/2011...
it's 3yrs from now k...
but until rite now i couldn't see any guy that have the potential to be the one...
where is he???

luv...guy & relationship...

"Oh sweet joy, the joy of falling in love, of being in love. Those first few years of being in love, they were only the beginning. Twenty phone calls a day just to hear his voice, sex every night until the early hours of the morning, ignoring friends, favouring nights in curled up in the couch instead of going out, eating so much you both put weight on, supporting one another at family do's, catching roving eyes as they studied one another in secret, existing only in the world to be with them, seeing your future, your babies in his eyes, becoming apart of someone else spiritually, mentally ,sexually and emotionally."

I've gone through my old novels and found this statement in one of it...
I really luv wat had been written in it coz i think dat it's true...
Y do we only find the joy of being in luv at the early stage of the relationship???
y can't it juz last forever???
I mean, if u're life dun stop becoz u're falling in luv...
Then y stop to be in luv???

I've been single for almost 3yrs & ppl might think dat it's cool...
but honestly, it's not cool at all...
coz everyone around me r in a relationship & i will b the 1 left out...
they will have stories about their relationship to talk about over dinner...
they will have someone to talk to on the phone & sms with even wen we r busy shopping...
and eventhough i will have some stories to talk about the guy dat i'm dating on dat time...
but it wouldn't be the same coz they're talking about their guy & i'm talking about some guy dat dun belongs to me or worst he could b someone else's guy...hahaha...
and i still dun understand y can't the right guy juz come to me rite now???
where is he???
is he taking a boat or a sail or a train???
what took him so long???
dun he realize dat i've been waiting???
d problem is dat wenever i wanna b free of commitment then d guyz will b lining up to b attach 2 me...
but rite now wen i'm ready & dying to b attach to sumbody...
no one come to me...
NO ONE!!!
it's pathetic isn't it???
so now i juz dunnoe wat to do...
wat should i do???
could anybody help???

wedding...

haiz...
i used to like going to weddings before...
looking at the bride & groom, the 'pelamin', the whole event & dream about what my wedding will look like...
i used to luv being apart of the wedding...
used to be the flower girl, then the bridesmaid...
but now as time past by...
i juz hate going to wedding...
hate to look at all those things that i used to luv to look at...
and yesterday i had to go to my cousin's wedding...
she's one of my close cousin...
we used to have the girl's day out wenever i came to KL, we shared our luv story & now she's married...
i swear that i was about to cry wen i saw her & her husband walked on the aisle...
i juz dunnoe y i get so emotional...
maybe because right now i think that i will never b in that situation...
i juz dunnoe y...
but i have a feelings that i will never ever find my soulmate...
he juz would never ever come...
i try my best not to think about it that way but then i can't stop myself...
anyway...
the wedding was simple, sweet & nice...
will update this blog with d pictures of the wedding later...

after that...
me, my sister & my brother in-law went to Pavilion KL...
i bought an Esprit t-shirt & a Guess jeans...
i luv the jeans so much...
can't wait 2 wear it...
but of coz i have to cut it first...
it doesn't really matter coz that jeans could actually cheer me up & give me back my mood...

at last!!!

At last!!!
after all these months i get 2 finally write sumthing in my blog...
i've planned to start blogging again at d beginning of d year...
but then i was so busy with life & luv until i dun have time 2 go online...
gosh!!!
i really need 2 install d internet in our new house...

By d way, end of last year, me & my housemates juz move in 2 an apartment in subang...
but then starting from 2morow i'm going 2 b staying in d house alone...
coz both of them will be busy with their life until they dun have time 2 come back 2 dat house...
anyway, it's not a big deal...
as i could have d house all 2 myself...
hehehe... (evil smile)

pool party anyone???

It's New Year!!!

here comes 2008!!!
and i starts 2 'rebuild' my blog again...
new year...new wish...new me...
hahaha...
what life would be like for me this year???
maybe new frens...
new surrounding...
new guy!!!
juz wait and see how it would this year k...
will try to update this blog every single day...